The Sounds of Summer

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Summer songs are like summer love – they make everything a little buzzier. Some make you want to dance (even if you’re alone in your room), some make you remember a moment, or person, from summers past. The best make your heart – and your feet – skip a beat.

We asked Jysters to share the songs that are doing it for them this summer. Here’s some of what we heard – and what we’ll be listening to:

Formation (Because, well, it’s Beyoncé, and you might as well just give in.)

Basketball (Lil Bow Wow. Back in the day before lost the Lil.)

Summertime (DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. A little nostalgia for Will Smith’s early days, much?)

Can’t Stop the Feeling (Justin Timberlake. C’mon, what’s summer without a little JT?!?)

Running Out of Moonlight (Randy Hauser.  Because we are ready to roll down the windows.)

Walking on Sunshine (Katrina and the Waves. We dare you not to get up move!)

The Jyst:  Wanna know which song got the most votes? Go to Jyst to find out – and tell us what you’re listening to this summer.

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When Love Hurts

Relationships are complicated and arguments, misunderstandings, happen. A lot. But when abuse comes into play, love gets dangerous.

heart-1463424_1920Lately the spotlight has been on celebrity relationships such as Amber Heard’s abuse accusations or Rihanna and Chris Brown’s (very) complicated situation that led to her asking for – and then rescinding her restraining order. Many of our Jysters are looking for guidance on when to set boundaries and manage their mixed emotions.

One Jyster wrote: “My boyfriend called me a cunt during an argument…I have a daughter and don’t want her to think it’s OK for a man to treat a woman like that.” This question got impassioned responses on Jyst with comments calling the man in question “misogynist” or stating, “Name-calling is disrespectful and abusive.”

Another Jyster mentioned she still had strong feelings for an ex that was physically abusive and had a restraining order against him. The supportive women of Jyst reminded her she deserved better and to seek internal closure from the relationship and move on.

The Jyst: Love is challenging but it shouldn’t hurt or demean. What is your experience with abusive situations? What’s your best advice?

If You Need Help: The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

 

 

The Office Romance: Yeah or Nay?

There are certain irrefutable rules when it comes to office romances. Do not date your boss. Do not date anyone who reports to you. The power dynamics, the risk of sexual harassment, the potential law suits, the career-killing opportunities are all self-evident. (We hope.)  Beyond that the rules get murky. No less an authority the Harvard Business Review is a bit muddled by the question.

Screen Shot 2016-06-13 at 10.01.54 AMThe truth is, many of us spend large chunks of our waking hours at work – and meeting romantic partners other ways can be hard. When it comes to love, as in real estate, location is everything. It’s not surprising, then, that so many questions on Jyst have to do with dating co-workers. The risk/reward equation is a toughie: The chance to meet the love your life vs the potential for having to face someone everyday who you dumped/got dumped by. The gossip of co-workers vs the very real desire you feel. Office romances are a minefield, but does that mean you should never wade in? Opinions on Jyst vary.

Have you ever dating someone at work? Share your experience – and advice – on Jyst.

Forgive, Forget or Flame Out?

They cheated. Or maybe they cheated. They want forgiveness. They want you to trust them again. Should you forgive, forget or flame out? As the great Beyoncé asks, “What’s worse, looking crazy or jealous?” (What’s best: Creating killer music. But that’s another story.)

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The truth is, there is no single right answer when it comes to forgiving betrayal. Some people work through it. Some can’t. The only universality is that it hurts like hell – and living in a fog of suspicion is toxic.

One Jyst user posted: “I found my husband had been calling and texting a woman from work.  I confronted him and he promised to stop but I still get the urge to put a spying app on his phone. Is that bad?” Once again, we turn to the Bible of Bey (yeah, we’ll admit it, we’re obsessed).  “You can taste dishonesty, it’s all over your breath as you pass it off so cavalier…My lonely ear/Pressed against the walls of your world.”

Other a Jysters wonder how to trust  again after  their SO admits to an affair and begs forgiveness. Is two years of a relationship worth one lapse? Is ten? The math is different for everyone.

The Jyst: Users all agree that if you are involved with a chronic cheater, you should leave. Immediately. But decisions are split (life and love are complicated, after all) when it comes to a single lapse. What do you think?  Let us know on Jyst.

The Jyst List

At Jyst, we are so not about the rules. And we believe the best source comes from other women who have or are going through similar situations – no judgments, all empathy. That said, sometimes it’s worth checking out what the relationship pros have to say. Here are three very different takes on dating and relationship advice. Do you have a favorite Love Guru? Let us know at @ijyst.

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From The Betches: 

I Had a Nice Time and Other Lies: How to Find Love & Shi*t Like That 

By The Betches

The Promise: “In the age of Tinder, Hinge, or any other dating app that matches you with randos, the dating game has grown complex and confusing. Cue the Betches… to help you win the most important battle a betch can face.”

 

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How to Date Like a Grownup

By Lisa Daily

From The Dating Coach:

The Promise: “Lisa Daily can tell you why he didn’t call, the color you should never wear on a first date, and even where to snoop for evidence if you think your guy’s been fooling around.”

 

Screen Shot 2016-05-16 at 9.03.36 AMFrom The Love Geek (i.e. TED Books!)

The Mathematics of Love: Patterns, Proofs, and the Search

By Hannah Fry

The Promise: “In this must-have for anyone who wants to better understand their love life, a mathematician pulls back the curtain and reveals the hidden patterns—from dating sites to divorce, sex to marriage—behind the rituals of love.”

The New Break-Up Math

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Dating apps have made it easy to find a mate (or at least a hook-up) in the time it takes to swipe right. (Results definitely not guaranteed!) Social media has made it oh-so tempting to look up the one who got away and float the ‘just thinking of you’ trial balloon.

But if technology has made finding people easier, it’s made forgetting about them when it doesn’t work out incredibly difficult. Often it takes more willpower than a stint on The Biggest Loser to keep from cyber-stalking an ex.

In a recent Modern Love column for the New York Times, The Entire Netflix Story of Us, Tonya Malinowski writes that the pain of her break-up was made worse because she could not stop herself from keeping track of what her ex was screening (the curse of a shared password.) In The Facebook Break-Up, Penelope Green writes that the tech behometh is creating a “Compassion Squad” to make romantic ruptures easier.

We’re certainly not there yet, as Jyst users regularly attest. One user wrote: “Can’t stop checking up on my and his new gf on fb. How do you break the cycle?” Another posted: “Help! Can’t stop checking my ex’s Facebook and it gets me upset each time. I know it’s a pathetic. It’s a problem I can’t break.”

For Malonowski, the pain overwhelmed the curiosity of what her ex was up to and she eventually changed her Netflix password. For the rest of us (admit it, you’ve cyber-stalked an ex at least once) it’s not always so easy.

The Jyst: The irony of romance in the tech age is that finding someone can be faster than ever and getting over them can take longer than ever. What’s worked for you???

Refinery29: It’s Love!

We couldn’t be more excited by the rave in Refinery29! 

I Tried A Relationship Coaching App
Jyst
: The Dating Decoder

First, I tried Jyst, which I came across by word of mouth. Jyst is a crowdsourced, anonymous dating advice app made for and by women. It’s helpful, empowering, and fun to use (whether you’re in a serious relationship, casually dating, or closed for business).
Jyst didn’t ask me to connect with Facebook — or for any personal information, for that matter. The app is grounded in anonymity. When you open it, the app lists different types of questions. After you click on one, it shows you the newest questions people have, along with the option to check out the most popular queries (i.e. the ones that have received the most feedback). And of course, you can post your own questions, too.

I hate to admit it, but I felt this awesome sense of superiority when handing out (solicited) advice. It was empowering thinking I knew the answers to strangers’ relationship problems. How could these women be asking questions that I could answer without thinking twice? If your partner cheated on you multiple times, sorry, but that’s a deal-breaker. Isn’t that obvious? Or is it just obvious to me, since my own emotions aren’t on the line?

But in posing my own questions, my feelings from before — knowing in my core that I was helping someone with a seemingly obvious relationship problem — also helped. I found myself in what truly felt like a safe space. I could anonymously seek out advice, and also give out my own to others. Not only did I find it personally helpful, but I also felt good about — and confident in — my responses to a strangers’ dating dilemma.

by Bianca Heyward