The Sounds of Summer

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Summer songs are like summer love – they make everything a little buzzier. Some make you want to dance (even if you’re alone in your room), some make you remember a moment, or person, from summers past. The best make your heart – and your feet – skip a beat.

We asked Jysters to share the songs that are doing it for them this summer. Here’s some of what we heard – and what we’ll be listening to:

Formation (Because, well, it’s Beyoncé, and you might as well just give in.)

Basketball (Lil Bow Wow. Back in the day before lost the Lil.)

Summertime (DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. A little nostalgia for Will Smith’s early days, much?)

Can’t Stop the Feeling (Justin Timberlake. C’mon, what’s summer without a little JT?!?)

Running Out of Moonlight (Randy Hauser.  Because we are ready to roll down the windows.)

Walking on Sunshine (Katrina and the Waves. We dare you not to get up move!)

The Jyst:  Wanna know which song got the most votes? Go to Jyst to find out – and tell us what you’re listening to this summer.

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The Office Romance: Yeah or Nay?

There are certain irrefutable rules when it comes to office romances. Do not date your boss. Do not date anyone who reports to you. The power dynamics, the risk of sexual harassment, the potential law suits, the career-killing opportunities are all self-evident. (We hope.)  Beyond that the rules get murky. No less an authority the Harvard Business Review is a bit muddled by the question.

Screen Shot 2016-06-13 at 10.01.54 AMThe truth is, many of us spend large chunks of our waking hours at work – and meeting romantic partners other ways can be hard. When it comes to love, as in real estate, location is everything. It’s not surprising, then, that so many questions on Jyst have to do with dating co-workers. The risk/reward equation is a toughie: The chance to meet the love your life vs the potential for having to face someone everyday who you dumped/got dumped by. The gossip of co-workers vs the very real desire you feel. Office romances are a minefield, but does that mean you should never wade in? Opinions on Jyst vary.

Have you ever dating someone at work? Share your experience – and advice – on Jyst.

Forgive, Forget or Flame Out?

They cheated. Or maybe they cheated. They want forgiveness. They want you to trust them again. Should you forgive, forget or flame out? As the great Beyoncé asks, “What’s worse, looking crazy or jealous?” (What’s best: Creating killer music. But that’s another story.)

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The truth is, there is no single right answer when it comes to forgiving betrayal. Some people work through it. Some can’t. The only universality is that it hurts like hell – and living in a fog of suspicion is toxic.

One Jyst user posted: “I found my husband had been calling and texting a woman from work.  I confronted him and he promised to stop but I still get the urge to put a spying app on his phone. Is that bad?” Once again, we turn to the Bible of Bey (yeah, we’ll admit it, we’re obsessed).  “You can taste dishonesty, it’s all over your breath as you pass it off so cavalier…My lonely ear/Pressed against the walls of your world.”

Other a Jysters wonder how to trust  again after  their SO admits to an affair and begs forgiveness. Is two years of a relationship worth one lapse? Is ten? The math is different for everyone.

The Jyst: Users all agree that if you are involved with a chronic cheater, you should leave. Immediately. But decisions are split (life and love are complicated, after all) when it comes to a single lapse. What do you think?  Let us know on Jyst.

The Jyst List

At Jyst, we are so not about the rules. And we believe the best source comes from other women who have or are going through similar situations – no judgments, all empathy. That said, sometimes it’s worth checking out what the relationship pros have to say. Here are three very different takes on dating and relationship advice. Do you have a favorite Love Guru? Let us know at @ijyst.

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From The Betches: 

I Had a Nice Time and Other Lies: How to Find Love & Shi*t Like That 

By The Betches

The Promise: “In the age of Tinder, Hinge, or any other dating app that matches you with randos, the dating game has grown complex and confusing. Cue the Betches… to help you win the most important battle a betch can face.”

 

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How to Date Like a Grownup

By Lisa Daily

From The Dating Coach:

The Promise: “Lisa Daily can tell you why he didn’t call, the color you should never wear on a first date, and even where to snoop for evidence if you think your guy’s been fooling around.”

 

Screen Shot 2016-05-16 at 9.03.36 AMFrom The Love Geek (i.e. TED Books!)

The Mathematics of Love: Patterns, Proofs, and the Search

By Hannah Fry

The Promise: “In this must-have for anyone who wants to better understand their love life, a mathematician pulls back the curtain and reveals the hidden patterns—from dating sites to divorce, sex to marriage—behind the rituals of love.”

Refinery29: It’s Love!

We couldn’t be more excited by the rave in Refinery29! 

I Tried A Relationship Coaching App
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: The Dating Decoder

First, I tried Jyst, which I came across by word of mouth. Jyst is a crowdsourced, anonymous dating advice app made for and by women. It’s helpful, empowering, and fun to use (whether you’re in a serious relationship, casually dating, or closed for business).
Jyst didn’t ask me to connect with Facebook — or for any personal information, for that matter. The app is grounded in anonymity. When you open it, the app lists different types of questions. After you click on one, it shows you the newest questions people have, along with the option to check out the most popular queries (i.e. the ones that have received the most feedback). And of course, you can post your own questions, too.

I hate to admit it, but I felt this awesome sense of superiority when handing out (solicited) advice. It was empowering thinking I knew the answers to strangers’ relationship problems. How could these women be asking questions that I could answer without thinking twice? If your partner cheated on you multiple times, sorry, but that’s a deal-breaker. Isn’t that obvious? Or is it just obvious to me, since my own emotions aren’t on the line?

But in posing my own questions, my feelings from before — knowing in my core that I was helping someone with a seemingly obvious relationship problem — also helped. I found myself in what truly felt like a safe space. I could anonymously seek out advice, and also give out my own to others. Not only did I find it personally helpful, but I also felt good about — and confident in — my responses to a strangers’ dating dilemma.

by Bianca Heyward

The Surprising Thing Women Still Fear

A growing number of online dating sites are attempting to give women more control over what has historically been a man’s game: Making the first move. The shift is apparant IRL as well – with women encouraging each other to ‘go for what you want.’  Nevertheless, when, how, and if to ask a guy out is the most common question on Jyst this week.

From texting to snapchatting to  friending, there are more ways than ever to make the first move. But changing deeply ingrained behavior and expectations can be fraught, according to Jyst users. The proliferation of ways to communicate had made it both easier to reach out (no face time!) and more confusing. Some posts:  “I really want to message him but I don’t know if that’s weird.”  “We’ve been hanging out for a while now. Is it okay for me to suggest plans?” “Can girls DM guys?”

The Jyst community always answers Yes, it’s equal time.  But the “Can I?” questions keep coming.

The Jyst: It is apparantly easier for many women to ask for a raise than to ask a guy out. Do you think this will ever change?

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The Upside of App Anonymity

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News headlines are justifiably concerned with the risks that anonymity can present, from very real physical danger to the snarkiness and bullying that some apps devolve into as people use avatars to cloak their worst behavior. At its best, though, anonymity and crowdsourcing can allow people to share problems they might not otherwise feel open to discussing, especially when it comes to personal relationships, and realize they are not alone. With such rapid changes in both how we communicate, we all have more questions that ever. Crowdsourcing can be especially useful in situations where friends might tell you what they think you want to hear rather than offer objective advice.

When we launched Jyst, we were well aware of the dangers of both anonymity and crowdsourcing and put safety measures in place. As the community grows every day though, what has been most gratifying to see is the empathy and supportive nature of the conversations bubbling up. Is this because Jyst is a safe zone created by women for women to share relationship dilemmas? Are women, given the right environment, inherently more supportive of each other? It’s hard to tell, in part because there are still so few apps that grew out of uniquely female behavior. Admittedly, there are generalizations inherent to this argument, but if Jyst is an example, the answer appears to be yes. There has been an overwhelming display of empathy and kindness, a lack of judginess and absence of put-downs, proving that anonymity does not have to lead to animus; that personal questions do not have to lead to put-downs.

The Jyst: The power of technology to unite and empower, to prove that no matter how far apart, we do not have to feel alone, is the best of both anonymity and crowdsourcing. We look forward to seeing more of it.