Have you seen a ghost???

Kimberly Seltzer,  America’s top dating makeover coach, is answering the first question posted on Jyst every morning this week. Here’s Tuesday’s Q&A about guys who do a fade out. (C’mon admit it, it happens!) Be sure to check out more of Kimberly’s dating wisdom in How to Create Attraction and ask her your toughest relationship questions on Jyst.

Q.  He was really into me for a couple of months, texting me during the day and making time to see each other on weekends.  Month 4, it has all slowed down. He responds to texts a day later and it’s hard to get dates in. Is he done?
A. Is he ghosting or slowly fading away?  Hard to tell but there are usually 3 reasons why men disappear or taper off. 1.  He’s just not into you 2. There is someone else 3.  He’s under stress.  Whatever the reason the answer is the same.  Don’t chase and let him come to you.  If he doesn’t come around he probably isn’t right for YOU.

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Who should pay on the 1st date?

All this week, America’s top dating makeover coach, Kimberly Seltzer, is answering the first question posted every morning on Jyst. Here’s Monday’s Q&A about picking up the check (or not!) on a first date .  Agree? Disagree? Vote on Jyst and post your questions for Kimberly all week.  Be sure to check out more of Kimberly’s dating wisdom in How to Create Attraction.

Q: I always offer to split the check on the 1st date but don’t expect men to accept. After how many dates should I chip in? Am I being old-fashioned?

A. You are NOT being old fashioned.  If you don’t expect the man to pay, then don’t offer!  Men often tell me that it sends a message that you are not into them or that you are “friend zoning” them. If you like him and you see it going somewhere, it is nice to offer after you have been on a few dates.  There is no magic number on how many dates that is.  – Kimberly

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Best Beach Reads

One of the joys of summer it diving into a real page turner.  This year, three of the new books we are most excited to read are filled with suspense – and have strong women at the center.
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Truly, Madly, Guilty
Liane Morality
Just in time for the beach comes the latest offering from the bestselling author of The Husband’s Secret. When a barbecue goes seriously, Moriarity brings her signature sharp eye and humor to the suspense that follows. “Captivating, suspenseful…tantalizing…Moriarty spins a vivid tale about three couples grappling with guilt as they find their way through the trials of marriage, parenting and friendship.” ―People Magazine

 

You Will Know Me   41kqzQIBlZL._SX330_BO1,204,203,200_
Megan Abbott
The mystery writer’s latest is just out this week and is high on our must-read list. “Almost unbearably tense, chilling and addictive, You Will Know Me deftly transports the reader to the hyper-competitive arena of gymnastics where the dreams and aspirations of not just families but entire communities rest on the slender shoulders of one teenage girl. Exceptional.”―Paula Hawkins, author of The Girl on the Train

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Laura Lippman
This modern twist on To Kill a Mocking Bird is a legal thriller that will keep you on the edge of your beach chair. “Laura Lippman is one of my favorite writers. I cannot focus on anything else when I am reading one of her books. Her writing makes me wish I lived a sexier and more violent life.” — Mindy Kaling

 

What are you planning on reading this summer?

The Sounds of Summer

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Summer songs are like summer love – they make everything a little buzzier. Some make you want to dance (even if you’re alone in your room), some make you remember a moment, or person, from summers past. The best make your heart – and your feet – skip a beat.

We asked Jysters to share the songs that are doing it for them this summer. Here’s some of what we heard – and what we’ll be listening to:

Formation (Because, well, it’s Beyoncé, and you might as well just give in.)

Basketball (Lil Bow Wow. Back in the day before lost the Lil.)

Summertime (DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. A little nostalgia for Will Smith’s early days, much?)

Can’t Stop the Feeling (Justin Timberlake. C’mon, what’s summer without a little JT?!?)

Running Out of Moonlight (Randy Hauser.  Because we are ready to roll down the windows.)

Walking on Sunshine (Katrina and the Waves. We dare you not to get up move!)

The Jyst:  Wanna know which song got the most votes? Go to Jyst to find out – and tell us what you’re listening to this summer.

When Love Hurts

Relationships are complicated and arguments, misunderstandings, happen. A lot. But when abuse comes into play, love gets dangerous.

heart-1463424_1920Lately the spotlight has been on celebrity relationships such as Amber Heard’s abuse accusations or Rihanna and Chris Brown’s (very) complicated situation that led to her asking for – and then rescinding her restraining order. Many of our Jysters are looking for guidance on when to set boundaries and manage their mixed emotions.

One Jyster wrote: “My boyfriend called me a cunt during an argument…I have a daughter and don’t want her to think it’s OK for a man to treat a woman like that.” This question got impassioned responses on Jyst with comments calling the man in question “misogynist” or stating, “Name-calling is disrespectful and abusive.”

Another Jyster mentioned she still had strong feelings for an ex that was physically abusive and had a restraining order against him. The supportive women of Jyst reminded her she deserved better and to seek internal closure from the relationship and move on.

The Jyst: Love is challenging but it shouldn’t hurt or demean. What is your experience with abusive situations? What’s your best advice?

If You Need Help: The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

 

 

The Office Romance: Yeah or Nay?

There are certain irrefutable rules when it comes to office romances. Do not date your boss. Do not date anyone who reports to you. The power dynamics, the risk of sexual harassment, the potential law suits, the career-killing opportunities are all self-evident. (We hope.)  Beyond that the rules get murky. No less an authority the Harvard Business Review is a bit muddled by the question.

Screen Shot 2016-06-13 at 10.01.54 AMThe truth is, many of us spend large chunks of our waking hours at work – and meeting romantic partners other ways can be hard. When it comes to love, as in real estate, location is everything. It’s not surprising, then, that so many questions on Jyst have to do with dating co-workers. The risk/reward equation is a toughie: The chance to meet the love your life vs the potential for having to face someone everyday who you dumped/got dumped by. The gossip of co-workers vs the very real desire you feel. Office romances are a minefield, but does that mean you should never wade in? Opinions on Jyst vary.

Have you ever dating someone at work? Share your experience – and advice – on Jyst.

Forgive, Forget or Flame Out?

They cheated. Or maybe they cheated. They want forgiveness. They want you to trust them again. Should you forgive, forget or flame out? As the great Beyoncé asks, “What’s worse, looking crazy or jealous?” (What’s best: Creating killer music. But that’s another story.)

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The truth is, there is no single right answer when it comes to forgiving betrayal. Some people work through it. Some can’t. The only universality is that it hurts like hell – and living in a fog of suspicion is toxic.

One Jyst user posted: “I found my husband had been calling and texting a woman from work.  I confronted him and he promised to stop but I still get the urge to put a spying app on his phone. Is that bad?” Once again, we turn to the Bible of Bey (yeah, we’ll admit it, we’re obsessed).  “You can taste dishonesty, it’s all over your breath as you pass it off so cavalier…My lonely ear/Pressed against the walls of your world.”

Other a Jysters wonder how to trust  again after  their SO admits to an affair and begs forgiveness. Is two years of a relationship worth one lapse? Is ten? The math is different for everyone.

The Jyst: Users all agree that if you are involved with a chronic cheater, you should leave. Immediately. But decisions are split (life and love are complicated, after all) when it comes to a single lapse. What do you think?  Let us know on Jyst.