You’ve gotten through the first few moments, the drink orders, the self-conscious chit-chat about the weather. An awkward silence ensues. Whether you want to score a second date or can’t wait to beat a hasty exit, here are five things that you should avoid saying at all costs:
- Don’t worry, it’s not contagious.
- That’s my ex sitting over by the bar, but no worries he likes checking out all my dates.
- You remind me of my father/mother. (That first kiss? Forget about it.)
- My job sucks because there’s a guy in my department who is definitely out to get me. It started six months ago. Let me give you ALL the details. (Tip: No one wants to hear about the intricacies of your job issues, especially when they don’t know the players.)
- I love you. (Because A. You can’t love someone you just met. B. It will scare the bejeezus and of them.)
When I first started online dating, I had a deal with a friend. He would call me exactly 20 minutes into each date. If the date was going well, I would answer, “Can we talk later?” If the date was a dud (and trust me there, were plenty!), I would reply, “Her fever his HOW HIGH?” (I had a young child at home.) And then, I would politely – and quickly – race out the door.
My other escape hack: Meeting early evening for a drink and then saying if I was having a great time but had, unfortunately, made dinner plans. My theory: White lies are fine when it comes to dating. Better, after all, than blurting out that you can’t take one more minute of talking about his toy train collection.
So, we’d like to know – What’s your bad date escape plan?
Can we talk honestly about Bumble? We love it. It puts the power in women’s hands, it has a lot of great guys on it and the 24-hour deadline means you’re not constantly waiting for someone who is never going to come through.
In Refinery29’s piece, 7 Insider Tips From a Dating-App Employee, Madeline Buxton shares some great advice how to win at Bumble. She adds, “The feedback that I’ve gotten from guys is that the best part of the app is that since the girl makes the first move, they don’t have to worry that she isn’t interested in them. They know she’s interested.”
But here’s the thing: That’s not what we’re picking up on the ground. A lot of women we hear from are ending up confused and disappointed. “Guys just don’t write back the way they do on other dating apps,” one user told us. Her suspicion: Guys like a chase and Bumble mitigates that. No, that’s not PC but we’re hearing it from a number of women. (The way we’d like it to be? Not so much. But happening? Yeah.)
Olympian Ryan Lochte is not a typical man (understatement of the year!) but here’s what he told Eonline, after admitting he uses Tinder. “Well, one, with Bumble the girl always has to make the first [move], and I don’t really like that. I don’t think that’s a woman job.” Great swimmer, killer bod, bad attitude. How retro can you go? But it’s out there
At Jyst, we’re all about sharing experiences openly and honestly, even when we they are not how we’d prefer them to be.
We’re curious. What are your experiences with Bumble? Tell us Jyst.
They cheated. Or maybe they cheated. They want forgiveness. They want you to trust them again. Should you forgive, forget or flame out? As the great Beyoncé asks, “What’s worse, looking crazy or jealous?” (What’s best: Creating killer music. But that’s another story.)
The truth is, there is no single right answer when it comes to forgiving betrayal. Some people work through it. Some can’t. The only universality is that it hurts like hell – and living in a fog of suspicion is toxic.
One Jyst user posted: “I found my husband had been calling and texting a woman from work. I confronted him and he promised to stop but I still get the urge to put a spying app on his phone. Is that bad?” Once again, we turn to the Bible of Bey (yeah, we’ll admit it, we’re obsessed). “You can taste dishonesty, it’s all over your breath as you pass it off so cavalier…My lonely ear/Pressed against the walls of your world.”
Other a Jysters wonder how to trust again after their SO admits to an affair and begs forgiveness. Is two years of a relationship worth one lapse? Is ten? The math is different for everyone.
The Jyst: Users all agree that if you are involved with a chronic cheater, you should leave. Immediately. But decisions are split (life and love are complicated, after all) when it comes to a single lapse. What do you think? Let us know on Jyst.
We couldn’t be more excited by the rave in Refinery29!
First, I tried Jyst, which I came across by word of mouth. Jyst is a crowdsourced, anonymous dating advice app made for and by women. It’s helpful, empowering, and fun to use (whether you’re in a serious relationship, casually dating, or closed for business).
Jyst didn’t ask me to connect with Facebook — or for any personal information, for that matter. The app is grounded in anonymity. When you open it, the app lists different types of questions. After you click on one, it shows you the newest questions people have, along with the option to check out the most popular queries (i.e. the ones that have received the most feedback). And of course, you can post your own questions, too.
I hate to admit it, but I felt this awesome sense of superiority when handing out (solicited) advice. It was empowering thinking I knew the answers to strangers’ relationship problems. How could these women be asking questions that I could answer without thinking twice? If your partner cheated on you multiple times, sorry, but that’s a deal-breaker. Isn’t that obvious? Or is it just obvious to me, since my own emotions aren’t on the line?
But in posing my own questions, my feelings from before — knowing in my core that I was helping someone with a seemingly obvious relationship problem — also helped. I found myself in what truly felt like a safe space. I could anonymously seek out advice, and also give out my own to others. Not only did I find it personally helpful, but I also felt good about — and confident in — my responses to a strangers’ dating dilemma.