One of the reasons I co-founded Jyst is because, honestly, I was bugging my co-founder, Nadina, to death with questions about my ex. I needed new, objective women to give me the straight truth (and help me leave poor Nadina alone). Nine months later Jyst, the crowdsourced anonymous dating advice app, was born. And guess what? Some of the most common questions have to do with exes. So, after reading thousands of posts, here’s what we learned NOT to do:
Fall into the ‘Let’s Be Friends’ Trap: Trying to ease the pain of a break-up by staying friends is a losing proposition. If you are the dumpee, chances are you are kidding yourself that the dumper will change their mind. And if you did the heart-breaking, don’t assuage a guilty conscience with the promise of friendship. Either way, you have real friends. Call them.
Forgive, Don’t Forget: Get angry, scream at the walls, vent to your friends but give yourself a time limit. Then forgive. (It’s hard, we know.) You don’t have to tell the offending ex that you’re forgiving them (in fact, don’t): it’s enough to know it in your heart. But we are not in favor of forgetting. Selective amnesia and the tendency to remember only happy times is too great a risk. Besides, we may be nice, but we are no wusses.
Keep talking (and talking) about them. It’s a hard truth, but no one really cares all that much after a certain point, so avoid boring your friends to tears. And definitely don’t mention your ex when you get back out there. There is no bigger buzz kill.
Drink and Text. Put your phone in the freezer if you have to, but do not go to sleep with it close by if you are at all at risk to drink and text. Seriously. We mean it. Put it out of reach.
Cyberstalk. Yes, we have all heard this a gazillion times but not one of us has ever truly followed the rule. So, ask yourself, what exactly do you think you will get out of checking their Snapchat stories, Insta accounts, or FB feed? Are you hoping they will see pictures of them crying into their beer? Not gonna happen. And you don’t care about their new life – or you won’t, eventually. Unless you keep looking. So, delete. Unfriend. Move on.