Dating Coach Answers All!

At Jyst, we are all about women helping each out. But let’s admit it, sometimes there’s nothing like getting a guy’s POV. We asked celeb dating expert Evan Marc Katz to answer a few questions on Jyst. He’s a whizz at interpreting men and dating for us! Be sure to follow him for more great dating tips at @evanmarckatz.

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I went on a 1st date & liked him but we have really big religious differences. Should I go out with him again or move on?

I’m a Jewish atheist. My wife is a Catholic who believes in God. Neither of us is “religious.” Our common religion is respect. The question is whether you can respect each other in spite of your different backgrounds.

 My boyfriend and I don’t fight that much but when we do he always get sick of talking about the issue before we really resolve anything or he wants me to bring it up another time. But when things are good, I don’t want to raise issues. What should I do?

It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it. Instead of having a “talk,” tell him something he’s doing inadvertently makes you feel bad. Then offer a solution he can buy into. A good boyfriend doesn’t want you to be sad.

My boyfriend is choosing between a job offer in my city and another country. We haven’t been together that long and I’m not sure we’d survive long distance. I feel like he’s choosing between being with me or not. Am I wrong?

You’re only wrong for taking this personally. If the roles were reversed, you’d want the freedom to do what was right for you, which may or may not be right for him. Back off and let him choose.

Guy I dated 5 years cheated on me and spent a year accusing me through his mom of harassing the new girl (it’s not true). They broke up and now strangely, I still care about him over a year later. Should I reach out to him?

No. (And if that answer wasn’t long enough: Noooooooooooooooooo!)

Started dating again (dated a few years back) and told him I wanted it to be exclusive before intimacy which he agreed to. But he has a hard time expressing his emotions/feelings from. I need communication and he has a huge wall. Do I stay or do I go?

It’s not your job to climb men’s walls. It’s your job to find a man with no walls, healthy communication, and makes you feel safe, heard and understood. If you don’t have that, it’s over.

 

 

Need a guy’s POV?!?

Look, we all know that guys think a little bit differently.(Um, understatement?) That’s why we asked dating advice guru Evan Marc Katz to answer questions on Jyst this week.

He will be answering the first five questions – and answers will appear in the app on Thursday.  So go ahead, ask a guy: Post your questions on Jyst!

 

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Ask the (Love) Expert

At Jyst we’re all about women helping each other out. After all, the best advice often comes from other women – we think of them as friendly strangers – who have been through similar situations and will tell you the truth. But we also know there are times when it pays to call in an expert. We asked celeb therapist Dr. Jane Greer to answer a couple of questions from Jysters. Be sure to follow her for more tips at @DrJaneGreer – and stay tuned for more surprise guest experts!

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Q. My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago but he keeps texting me casual things almost every day. It’s making it hard to move on. What should I do?

Tell your ex that as much as you’d like to stay in touch, the constant contact is making it hard for you to let go. Ask him to stop texting you, and let him know if he continues, you won’t respond in order to be able to honor his decision to end the relationship.

Q. I’ve been ‘ghosted’ by a guy I went out with for four months and it’s making me insane. How do I get over it?

This is very difficult to cope with – the sudden disappearance without explanation is hard to process. Know that this guy is only able to do beginnings, but isn’t able to stay involved for the middle or future. It’s not about you; it’s a statement of his limitations. Don’t take it too personally, and move on by getting out of the house and filling your time with friends and new opportunities. Give yourself the chance to find someone who will stick around.

Is It Easier to Ask for a Raise or a Date?

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Over the past few years, much of the debate about women’s lives has centered on our roles in the workplace. We have been coached to Lean In, assume the Power Pose and balance career and family in Unfinished Business. While the approaches differ, they share a commitment to one essential call to action: Women must continue to fight for greater equality and leadership roles in our chosen careers.

With the rise of Tinder and the hook-up culture, much has also been written about how women are owning their sexuality in a similarly independent and assertive manner. But, when it comes to actual romance, particularly courtship (remember, courtship???) many women are far more conflicted, if not downright confused. (Yes, this is a big generalization, to say nothing of assuming hetero-normative roles. For the sake of argument, work with me here.) When women are honest with each other, they admit they are not nearly as secure in expressing their needs and expectations in romantic relationships as they are increasingly on the job front. Somehow asking for a raise became easier than asking for a date. Here are some questions from Jyst: “I’ve been dating this guy for the past four months, but he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend yet. Do I wait or ask him?” “Ladies, do you text your boyfriend first?”

While the national conversation rightly centers on equality in the workplace where there is still so much progress to be made, it is also time to have a more open discussion about the stereotypical roles we continue to play in relationships. The dialog must include men as well as women for we are all participants and we will all be the beneficiaries of change. It’s time to be honest about our desires, confusion and vulnerabilities. Isn’t that what the best relationships are based on?

The Truth About Bumble?

Can we talk honestly about Bumble?  We love it. It puts the power in women’s hands, it has a lot of great guys on it  and the 24-hour deadline means you’re not constantly waiting for someone who is never going to come through.

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In Refinery29’s piece,  7 Insider Tips From a Dating-App Employee, Madeline Buxton  shares some great advice how to win at Bumble. She adds,  “The feedback that I’ve gotten from guys is that the best part of the app is that since the girl makes the first move, they don’t have to worry that she isn’t interested in them. They know she’s interested.”

But here’s the thing: That’s not what we’re picking up on the ground. A lot of women we hear from are ending up confused and disappointed.  “Guys just don’t write back the way they do on other dating apps,” one user told us.  Her suspicion: Guys like a chase and Bumble mitigates that. No, that’s not PC but we’re hearing it from a number of women. (The way we’d like it to be? Not so much. But happening? Yeah.)

Olympian Ryan Lochte is not a typical man (understatement of the year!) but here’s what he told Eonline, after admitting he uses Tinder. “Well, one, with Bumble the girl always has to make the first [move], and I don’t really like that. I don’t think that’s a woman job.”  Great swimmer, killer bod, bad attitude.  How retro can you go? But it’s out there

At Jyst, we’re all about sharing experiences openly and honestly, even when we they are not how we’d prefer them to be.

We’re curious. What are your experiences with Bumble?  Tell us Jyst.

 

 

Have you seen a ghost???

Kimberly Seltzer,  America’s top dating makeover coach, is answering the first question posted on Jyst every morning this week. Here’s Tuesday’s Q&A about guys who do a fade out. (C’mon admit it, it happens!) Be sure to check out more of Kimberly’s dating wisdom in How to Create Attraction and ask her your toughest relationship questions on Jyst.

Q.  He was really into me for a couple of months, texting me during the day and making time to see each other on weekends.  Month 4, it has all slowed down. He responds to texts a day later and it’s hard to get dates in. Is he done?
A. Is he ghosting or slowly fading away?  Hard to tell but there are usually 3 reasons why men disappear or taper off. 1.  He’s just not into you 2. There is someone else 3.  He’s under stress.  Whatever the reason the answer is the same.  Don’t chase and let him come to you.  If he doesn’t come around he probably isn’t right for YOU.

Who should pay on the 1st date?

All this week, America’s top dating makeover coach, Kimberly Seltzer, is answering the first question posted every morning on Jyst. Here’s Monday’s Q&A about picking up the check (or not!) on a first date .  Agree? Disagree? Vote on Jyst and post your questions for Kimberly all week.  Be sure to check out more of Kimberly’s dating wisdom in How to Create Attraction.

Q: I always offer to split the check on the 1st date but don’t expect men to accept. After how many dates should I chip in? Am I being old-fashioned?

A. You are NOT being old fashioned.  If you don’t expect the man to pay, then don’t offer!  Men often tell me that it sends a message that you are not into them or that you are “friend zoning” them. If you like him and you see it going somewhere, it is nice to offer after you have been on a few dates.  There is no magic number on how many dates that is.  – Kimberly

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